smug?

completely inadequate? too slow?? just plain stupid??? or 'maybe i have a piece of potato permanently stuck to my face that only other people can see? that would look really unprofessional and would explain why i cannot get a job... hmm surely my friends would have told me about it though!?' maybe my feet are too big or something? it took a while, but i finally got an interesting job offer... im happy... relieved, and, dare i say, enthusiastic? i might have just turned myself into a corporate slave but im obviously ecstatic at the thought of embracing consumerism again. now i can buy myself stuff again...

back

i have now been back back in london for 3 weeks. i have sent out over 40 cvs and i have been to a total of 5 interviews. so far i have also worked 3 and a half hours for an events company. rock'n'roll.
despite the circumstances im quite happy. this may be due to newly self-imposed celibacy. no risk of infection, no diseases, no performance anxiety, no sexual incompatibility, no unrealistic expectations. i dont feel like i am repressing, in fact i find it quite empowering, but i am postponing: i have bigger fish to fry.