requiem for a warming world

on monday i took a whole hour for lunch and walked around the city to the soundtrack of and while london burns. it’s an opera for one/guided walk. i’m not going to attempt to review it, it’s been done quite well, but i enjoyed the experience and would highly recommend it.

had a great xmas holiday. back on the treadmill on tuesday. determined not to let my self diagnosed SAD beat me!

shortbus hmm... not sure
but lisa germano was good!

'london: a life in maps' at the british library on saturday. ive always had a facility to stare at maps intently. also watched the nomi song.

starting to go back to the cinema a bit more, saw marie antoinette and the page turner recently. i liked marie antoinette. alien nation at the ica on saturday afternoon was really good. the ica is good.

je ne sais pas. ou est ma maison

'another pointless party
i really should be getting home
they say thats where the heart is
the taxi driver asks me
where i'd like to go
and suddenly im unsure
suddenly i just don't know
where do i call home'

neil hannon

i think im becoming lazy... i find myself excuses. am i becoming complaisant? detached? too self centred? am i giving up?...
what am i waiting for? why do i not feel more concerned? am i hardening or softening?

i dont know what it is that makes me feel empty. am i missing something? something doesnt feel real. sometimes i think it could very well stop/be stopped at anytime... will someone unmask me at some point?

i am not even feeling depressed.

iceland

second move

moved flat again. things didn't exactly turn out as expected with my now ex flatmate... i think i will resume posting more regularly now?

move

been a bit busy. new flat. 3 weeks later and still no internet, although possibly entirely my own fault. that should be fixed soon.

just before spring

im sorting myself out. i have made plans. overall im feeling in control. the new job is going well. im doing well. the weather is nice. i look forward.

smug?

completely inadequate? too slow?? just plain stupid??? or 'maybe i have a piece of potato permanently stuck to my face that only other people can see? that would look really unprofessional and would explain why i cannot get a job... hmm surely my friends would have told me about it though!?' maybe my feet are too big or something? it took a while, but i finally got an interesting job offer... im happy... relieved, and, dare i say, enthusiastic? i might have just turned myself into a corporate slave but im obviously ecstatic at the thought of embracing consumerism again. now i can buy myself stuff again...

back

i have now been back back in london for 3 weeks. i have sent out over 40 cvs and i have been to a total of 5 interviews. so far i have also worked 3 and a half hours for an events company. rock'n'roll.
despite the circumstances im quite happy. this may be due to newly self-imposed celibacy. no risk of infection, no diseases, no performance anxiety, no sexual incompatibility, no unrealistic expectations. i dont feel like i am repressing, in fact i find it quite empowering, but i am postponing: i have bigger fish to fry.

yummy

ive been in france for over a week now. xmas eve dinner tonight with family. not in a rush to go back to london. changed my return ticket from dec.29th to jan.15th.

self validation

him: do you have a blog?
me: er... no (!)
him: yeah, i didnt think you were the kind of guy who needs external validation
me: er... no (?)

day in day out

temping: on and off
mood: up and down
bloggable events: 0
days before i go to france: 8

pimp my cv

did not work last week. drank too much, smoked too much. spent too much money... good fun though. all this time on my hands, i could have been documenting the ups and downs of temping on here, but i dont seem to be in the mood lately.

second temp assignment starting tomorrow. still going to interviews for real jobs but nothing seems to be happening. the positive side of things: im getting quite good at bullshitting my way through interviews with recruitment consultants.
i hate that!

went to bar chocolate on friday night. i hadnt been drinking in a while so i got inabriated quite quickly. on sunday took a walk along the thames and ended up in tower bridge.

id rather be unemployed

temping sucks.

saw 'the beat that my heart skipped' loved it. same director as 'read my lips'. great films.

no sex last night

had dinner with my ex and half jokingly mentioned sleeping together again. we decided not to. this time.

started temping today. yes.

saw crash with my flatmate (pirate dvd subtitled in hebrew) and it was good! made me changed my mind about sandra bullock.

nb. the title for this post is borrowed to sophie calle.