emily haines

ré

bath

marseille(s)

spending easter in london

doesnt seem so bad

after last weekend.

ive tried meditating in london, im not quite sure what to make of it after only one class, maybe i should give it another go? ....

saw faust last week, it was a great evening. also saw the science of sleep which is probably one of the best films ive seen at the cinema for a long time.

all is full of love

"i love you" can mean a lot of things... like "you'll do 'till someone better comes along," or "i can't describe how i really feel but i know that i'm supposed to say this," or "shut up, i'm watching tv." jordan white in the doom generation

everyday

my first contribution to the 26 things 'photographic scavenger hunt' here.

requiem for a warming world

on monday i took a whole hour for lunch and walked around the city to the soundtrack of and while london burns. it’s an opera for one/guided walk. i’m not going to attempt to review it, it’s been done quite well, but i enjoyed the experience and would highly recommend it.

had a great xmas holiday. back on the treadmill on tuesday. determined not to let my self diagnosed SAD beat me!

shortbus hmm... not sure
but lisa germano was good!

'london: a life in maps' at the british library on saturday. ive always had a facility to stare at maps intently. also watched the nomi song.

starting to go back to the cinema a bit more, saw marie antoinette and the page turner recently. i liked marie antoinette. alien nation at the ica on saturday afternoon was really good. the ica is good.

je ne sais pas. ou est ma maison

'another pointless party
i really should be getting home
they say thats where the heart is
the taxi driver asks me
where i'd like to go
and suddenly im unsure
suddenly i just don't know
where do i call home'

neil hannon

i think im becoming lazy... i find myself excuses. am i becoming complaisant? detached? too self centred? am i giving up?...
what am i waiting for? why do i not feel more concerned? am i hardening or softening?

i dont know what it is that makes me feel empty. am i missing something? something doesnt feel real. sometimes i think it could very well stop/be stopped at anytime... will someone unmask me at some point?

i am not even feeling depressed.

iceland

second move

moved flat again. things didn't exactly turn out as expected with my now ex flatmate... i think i will resume posting more regularly now?

move

been a bit busy. new flat. 3 weeks later and still no internet, although possibly entirely my own fault. that should be fixed soon.

just before spring

im sorting myself out. i have made plans. overall im feeling in control. the new job is going well. im doing well. the weather is nice. i look forward.

smug?

completely inadequate? too slow?? just plain stupid??? or 'maybe i have a piece of potato permanently stuck to my face that only other people can see? that would look really unprofessional and would explain why i cannot get a job... hmm surely my friends would have told me about it though!?' maybe my feet are too big or something? it took a while, but i finally got an interesting job offer... im happy... relieved, and, dare i say, enthusiastic? i might have just turned myself into a corporate slave but im obviously ecstatic at the thought of embracing consumerism again. now i can buy myself stuff again...

back

i have now been back back in london for 3 weeks. i have sent out over 40 cvs and i have been to a total of 5 interviews. so far i have also worked 3 and a half hours for an events company. rock'n'roll.
despite the circumstances im quite happy. this may be due to newly self-imposed celibacy. no risk of infection, no diseases, no performance anxiety, no sexual incompatibility, no unrealistic expectations. i dont feel like i am repressing, in fact i find it quite empowering, but i am postponing: i have bigger fish to fry.