shortbus hmm... not sure
but lisa germano was good!

'london: a life in maps' at the british library on saturday. ive always had a facility to stare at maps intently. also watched the nomi song.

starting to go back to the cinema a bit more, saw marie antoinette and the page turner recently. i liked marie antoinette. alien nation at the ica on saturday afternoon was really good. the ica is good.

je ne sais pas. ou est ma maison

'another pointless party
i really should be getting home
they say thats where the heart is
the taxi driver asks me
where i'd like to go
and suddenly im unsure
suddenly i just don't know
where do i call home'

neil hannon

i think im becoming lazy... i find myself excuses. am i becoming complaisant? detached? too self centred? am i giving up?...
what am i waiting for? why do i not feel more concerned? am i hardening or softening?

i dont know what it is that makes me feel empty. am i missing something? something doesnt feel real. sometimes i think it could very well stop/be stopped at anytime... will someone unmask me at some point?

i am not even feeling depressed.

iceland

second move

moved flat again. things didn't exactly turn out as expected with my now ex flatmate... i think i will resume posting more regularly now?

move

been a bit busy. new flat. 3 weeks later and still no internet, although possibly entirely my own fault. that should be fixed soon.

just before spring

im sorting myself out. i have made plans. overall im feeling in control. the new job is going well. im doing well. the weather is nice. i look forward.

smug?

completely inadequate? too slow?? just plain stupid??? or 'maybe i have a piece of potato permanently stuck to my face that only other people can see? that would look really unprofessional and would explain why i cannot get a job... hmm surely my friends would have told me about it though!?' maybe my feet are too big or something? it took a while, but i finally got an interesting job offer... im happy... relieved, and, dare i say, enthusiastic? i might have just turned myself into a corporate slave but im obviously ecstatic at the thought of embracing consumerism again. now i can buy myself stuff again...

back

i have now been back back in london for 3 weeks. i have sent out over 40 cvs and i have been to a total of 5 interviews. so far i have also worked 3 and a half hours for an events company. rock'n'roll.
despite the circumstances im quite happy. this may be due to newly self-imposed celibacy. no risk of infection, no diseases, no performance anxiety, no sexual incompatibility, no unrealistic expectations. i dont feel like i am repressing, in fact i find it quite empowering, but i am postponing: i have bigger fish to fry.